A (Grand)Mother's Perspective

Jennifer asked me to be a guest writer for this wonderful blog as I am the grandmother to the sweetest 34 week preemie granddaughter in the whole wide world. It is interesting, though, because when Jennifer went into premature labor, my thoughts were not so much on Carson Marie, but on my Jennifer Leigh!

I remember Brent calling me to let me know Jennifer was in the hospital. Brent calling, and not Jennifer, was my first clue that this was serious. I listened to him explain what was happening and then I asked to speak to Jennifer. I just asked her "do you want me to come out to Charlotte to be with you?" and she said, "yes", so that was all it took for the next two weeks, my focus was on Jennifer.

Brent picked me up at the airport and we went straight to the hospital. Jennifer was in relatively good spirits but a little scared. I felt she was relieved to see my face and I was definitely relieved to see hers. We are each other's biggest supporters and support and encouragement was definitely what she needed.

Since I knew the hospital staff was taking care of Jennifer, my goals were to take care of everything Jennifer wasn't able to do preparing for Carson's arrival. So I did all the mundane tasks:

• Washed all the baby clothes and bedding (and even washed Brent's clothes, hey I figured he wouldn't care. After all, we were going be house mates for the next two weeks)




• Organized the baby's closet (Brent and I had different interpretations on what Jennifer wanted, but we got it worked out and probably became closer as a result. We actually went shopping together at the hardware store!)




• Painted the baby's room (...oh, and while I was at it, painted several other rooms in the house!)




• Returned/exchanged duplicate gifts (Buy Buy Baby employees became my new best friends)




• Purchased baby things still needed (who would have thunk preemie clothes would be necessary?!?)

Brent and I took turns staying with Jennifer at the hospital. The first night I was there Jennifer was doing so well we thought she could handle staying by herself. HUGE MISTAKE! As soon as we left, Jennifer took to the Internet reading about the complications for a preemie. She called in tears. So there was no more staying alone....PERIOD.

So as Brent and I would take turns spending the night, we also exchanged the days so that he could work and I could handle all the things mentioned above. I don't think either of us really slept all that much - especially at the hospital...the pull-out coaches would never be classified as comfortable. But Jennifer and I enjoyed being together. We talked, we watched Rachel Ray (we love her linguine and sausage with cherry tomatoes and arugula recipe!), The View, Oprah, etc. I brought movies for us to watch (I can't remember which one I got stuck in the DVD player - sorry Jenn!) and best of all we laughed....and we laughed a lot!

We also worried and stressed a little, but not together. Together we worked as a team to send positive vibes to our little Carson Marie. We even decided that being born under the Gemini sign was a positive sign for her because after all, Carson's great-grandfather was a Gemini and he was the strongest person I knew! So I am not sure if I handled this experience like a typical mother, all I know is that I loved my child and I wanted to help her the best way I could - and that was to be there for her! I am sure most mothers feel the same way, am I right?

Don't Google On Bedrest

So in my last post, I ended on the highs and lows. I will discuss one of the lows.

Like I said, the lows really came at the beginning of the bed rest, and this one happened on the second night of my long stay in the hospital. Earlier that day, I had been admitted to the High-Risk pregnancy floor. It was the end of the day, so my husband and mom were both in the room saying good-bye.

I wanted them to both go to our house and get a good night's sleep. I really thought I would be fine. I reassured them that I would be and they left.

That's when an idle mind is a bad thing. In the back of my head, now that I had all of this time, I wanted to do some research to prepare myself of having a baby born early. So I googled. Big mistake. Huge. It was awful.

I googled something like "delivering at 32 weeks." I was not mentally or emotionally prepared for what popped up. Lists and lists from March of Dimes explaining all the health risks associated with a 32 week preemie. I couldn't handle it. I called my mom instantly.

By the time I could get the words out of what I had done, I was sobbing to my mom on the phone. All I heard was "I'm coming back."

My mom spent the night with me that night and every other night until Carson was born. My mom and Brent made a new rule - I wasn't allowed to stay by myself at night. And that was a good thing for me (probably not for them, since their sleeping arrangements weren't as comfy as mine.)

But it helped me get through the emotional roller coaster. I am not a good patient. I need reassurance and they were there for me whenever my emotions were getting the best of me.

I can't thank them enough for taking turns sleeping by me while nurses came in every three hours to give me medicine, take my blood pressure, temperature and to check Carson on the fetal monitors.

Rock stars is all I have to say. (And later today, I will have my mom's perspective on what we called "Carson's Journey.")

Happy Birthday Jelly Bean!

To My Fabulous Daughter,

Happy birthday sweet Carson Marie!

Today, you turn one year old, and I grow more in awe of you every day. We started off on a crazy journey to get you here, and this blog, is now telling that story that I could not one year ago.

Even though I am writing this letter to you in the digital world, I also wrote one to you that you will open up when you turn 18. My plan is to have 18 letters for you by your 18th birthday. I want each letter to be a little piece of our history as mom and daughter and what that means to me.

So here's a hint of what I wrote to you (and for the digital world to see):

Today on your birthday reminds me of what your dad and I went through 365+ days ago to bring you into this world. We were scared as the doctors told us what life would be like with a preemie, but deep down I knew you would be fine - but I will admit, I did need reassurance from your dad, your Gia and Granddaddy at times.

During my stay in the hospital, I wrote out reasons why you decided to come early and one of them was because you wanted to create your own fireworks (since you were due on July 4th). And create your own fireworks you have.

You came into this world full of energy and life - even at 4 pounds and 6.5 ounces. You were curious about the world around you and that hasn't stopped as you have learned to sit up, roll over and crawl. You love exploring and taking it all in.

You are such a sweet baby and I am so proud to be your mother. We had this instant connection and we both light up when we see one another - and that is the coolest feeling in the world.

As your mom, I want to be the mom that my mom is to me. My mom is always there for me and always believed in me. My mom gave me the confidence to go for anything and to do anything. She taught me that it was important to believe in myself and to like myself.

These are the things I want to teach you. I want you to know that I will always be there for you and support you in whatever you choose to do (as long as it is safe!) I want to teach you the importance of family and being a good friend. I want to teach you to explore the world and see things beyond the city limits of Charlotte. I want you to know in your mind and heart that your parents are your biggest fan and cheerleader and we will be there for you every step of the way. This past year has been amazing with our littlest addition and we can't wait to see what the next year brings us.

I love you so much!

Love,
Mommy

P.S. Followers, do you have any birthday traditions that I can "borrow"?

Bedrest

The first 24 hours in the hospital were the most important. The doctors needed to stop my labor and they needed to give me two steroid shots to help Carson's lung development. The lungs are the last to grow, so it was vital to get these two shots. Luckily, the labor stopped and I was able to get the two shots within 24 hours. Once that happened, the next 11 days were spent on the high-risk maternity floor.

You may ask, "Uggh, bedrest, weren't you so bored?"

My answer, "No, this was my first job as mommy. To stay put. Rest. Relax. Plus, the invention of Facebook kept me entertained for hours." (Seriously, it is amazing how many people are on FB during the day. At my previous employer, that was blocked, so I really wasn't on it that much.)

I really did take bed rest as my first job. I thought if I stayed positive and did what the nurses and doctors told me to do, then she would be okay. My goal was to keep her in for 11 days. I wanted her to grow as much as she could, so she would be as big as she needed to get before she made her arrival. And it worked.

But it wasn't an easy 11 days. There were definite highs and definite lows.

Annual Spring Fling

This past weekend, Carson's hospital had their Annual Spring Fling. It is an annual gathering for families, doctors and nurses to be reunited and see one another. Unfortunately, we were not able to attend due to another scheduled event, but I really want to go next year.

During my maternity leave, I thought about going back to the hospital to show Carson off to the NICU and High-Risk Pregnancy nurses, but I never did. I am sure I could have called, but I know their schedules were different each week and I didn't want to disrupt their important jobs. I knew they were focusing on new families. Plus, I didn't want Carson's germs to expose anyone. After being in the hospital for that long, you understand the importance of washing your hands and I didn't want to take time away from the families that now really needed them.

But here is a link to the annual event and I am marking my calendar for next year!!

When We Can't Communicate Ourselves

When I first got admitted into the hospital, I didn't want to tell anyone on Facebook or e-mail. I remember making a conscious decision not to go online. The only people I told right away, well, my husband made the phone calls, I was not in a state to do that, were my boss (since I wasn't going to be at work anymore) and my mom. I knew people would want to know, but I just wasn't ready to start explaining everything. I hadn't even begun comprehending it myself. How was I suppose to answer everyone's questions when I had so many of my own? I wanted the answers. I knew I wouldn't be able to answer their questions, and I knew they would have just as many as I did. Plus, it just didn't feel right to put in my status update "Uh-oh, looks like Baby H is going to come earlier than expected" or "Emergency run to the hospital." I think of consequences, so I could only imagine what was going to happen. I didn't want to go there. But I knew I needed to communicate to friends and family.

Luckily, one of my good friends in Charlotte called me. Little did she know where I was. The conversation started off totally normal. Voice calm. Like it was any other day at the office. Then my friend asked about our plans for that evening. "Well, about that...." is how I responded. My husband jokes that this particular friend's nickname is Paul Revere. She really isn't that big of a gossip, but I knew I was in good hands if "Paul Revere" could share my story for me. And that day she did and it was a huge favor to Brent and me.

I really didn't want to be on the phone at all nor did I want to be on my computer. She did all of the hard work for us by calling our closest friends - she even beat me to calling my girlfriends in Texas! Afterwards, she rallied our friends with items for me to keep me entertained in the hospital and even coordinated a dinner schedule once we got Carson home.

I really cannot thank her enough. "Paul Revere" has been such a great friend and has helped so much over the past year. I am truly blessed with fabulous friends and family who stood by my side and prayed for our family and kept us in their thoughts while we were beginning this difficult time.

If you have a similar experience, what did your friends or family do for you? Give them a little shout-out here. If you haven't gone through this particular situation, what has someone done for you that makes you go, "man, I am so lucky that they want to be my friend?" Friends and family are awesome; let's show them a little love here.

Introduction

What is my passion?


This little babycake.

My daughter, Carson, was born six weeks early, and this blog is dedicated to her and all the other little preemies out there and their families whose world is knocked upside down when their healthly pregnancy is shaken up when the doctor tells them three little words. You're in labor.

That's what I heard May 12, 2010. And that is not what I was supposed to hear that day.

At that point in time, I was 32 weeks along and minding my own business. I was due July 4th. I had just finished another semester of graduate school and had two more months of work. I still had the nursery to finish, baby classes to take and pampering to be done before the big day.

I knew my world was going to change, but I wasn't expecting it that soon. So this blog is going to talk about that journey from learning what it would be like to have a premature baby, the roller coaster of a ride it was those 12 days on bedrest in the hospital and then the 16 days that followed with Carson in the NICU.

I hope it also can become a resource and community for others.